So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best revenge is premature balding
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
