Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
