and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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