why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
