Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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