It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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