Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
