He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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