Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Randomize
