then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
