and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
