i used baking grease as lip gloss
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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