She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
