I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
