Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
