...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
