I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
