I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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