You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think i have herpe
just one?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
