do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
