Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
