Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
