So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
