He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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