Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
