There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
