Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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