I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
