Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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