I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
