After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
