im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
