if i can run in heels then i can drive
it hurts more in the daytime
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
