dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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