my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
