Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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