the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
