she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
