alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
