he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
