the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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