Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
