Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
