She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
