So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
