Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
