just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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