When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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