im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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