what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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